What's the good word?

When December started I was telling myself that this year I would NOT make New Year's Resolutions for one reason: I am notorious for setting huge goals for myself and then becoming literally depressed when I don't make them. I did not want to set myself up for that.

Then I read this post about focusing on a single word for the year in order to make changes in your life. I have since seen the concept in a few other posts attributing the idea to Debbie Macomber. I don't know who started it and really I don't think it matters. The point is that the idea is, in my opinion, a really good one.

The Concept

Here's the idea. Think hard about what you want to change in your life. Pick a word that encompasses the essence of that. For me, it came down to finding the root reason of why I wanted to change all the little things I could think of. Once you have that word, focus on it for the year. As you go about your daily life, keep that word in the front of your mind. Are the decisions you're making and the things you're doing helping you accomplish whatever that word means? 


It sounded simple and like something I could really do, so I'm giving it a go. 




The Plan
First, I had to come up with my word. After a lot of thought, I came up with this:

Healthy

Your first thought is probably that this is a redressing of the age old resolution to lose weight. Partly, yes it is. I do want to lose weight. I want to be physically healthier. I also want to be emotionally, socially, financially, and spiritually healthier.  

I'm hoping that by focusing on this word, when I want to hit snooze on the alarm clock one more time, I'll have to consider which is healthier - snoozing five more minutes or dragging myself out of bed to exercise? When I want to splurge on something, which is healthier - the short-lived happiness of a frivolous purchase or a well-stocked emergency fund? Is it healthier to fret about my problems or pray over them?

If this works, by this time next year, I'll be in a much better state all around.

The Accountability

photo by Gumuz (Flickr), CC-BY

I'm sure there is a statistic or study about this somewhere, but people stick to things better when someone is holding them accountable. This, my loyal readers, is where you come in. Every couple of weeks I am going to report on my word. What things have I done to make myself healthy? Where am I struggling? If you don't see this post from me, feel free to check on me. (Doesn't this cat look like it's about to jump out of the screen and get you?)

I invite you to join me in this adventure. Come up with a word and post it below. When I give you my update, you can throw in yours as well. We'll hold each other up and together we'll make better people by this time next year. 

So what's your word going to be this year?

The Importance of Community

Never underestimate the importance of having people around that will uplift, encourage, and help you. Last night I had the privilege of dining with a couple of new author friends. When I got there I was scared about going to my first conference, worried the pitch I had written was too cheesy, and generally feeling unsure about every step I had taken so far on my writer's journey.

Oh the difference when I left. These two wonderful women gave me a few pointers and few sentences of encouragement and a few moments of camaraderie. What they really and truly gave me though was a renewed sense of purpose and confidence.

It is so important to have people we can turn to that will help, guide, and support. Whenever possible, find someone who's been there and acquired some credibility in your eyes, because then the smallest word of encouragement carries such tremendous weight.

Never, ever underestimate to power of choosing not to go it alone.

Rejection

As a writer, rejection becomes part of your world very quickly. It starts with you rejecting things you've written until finally, FINALLY, something comes through your keyboard that you are happy enough with to show to someone else. From there, the rejections just keep coming. There are many different types of rejections.

1. The Straight Rejection
For writers this usually comes in one of two forms: the form rejection from an agent or editor and the "I just don't get it." from an early reader. There isn't much you can do about these rejections except suck it up, go back to your computer, and see if you can make it better.

2. The Assumed Rejection
Similar to the straight rejection, this comes from the agent or editor with the policy that essentially says, if we don't call you assume we aren't interested. I always go ahead and enter "no" on my tracking spreadsheet.

There is nothing you can do about these two types of rejections and there is little room for misinterpreting them. They mean no. They mean something about your work wasn't ready, wasn't good, or wasn't what they wanted. You take your blows and either quit or see if you can do better next time.

But there is another type of rejection as well.

3. The Perceived Rejection
This is when you start decided other people have rejected you or your work when they haven't really said any such thing. I am so bad about this. I recently joined an online critique group. It is really difficult to see some submitted chapters getting critique after critique while mine just kind of sits there. There are submittals that get critiques turned in mere hours later, as if people just couldn't wait to get their hands on the next chapter. Mine doesn't get that kind of reaction.

So in my head I have decided everyone on their hates my work. There is NO GROUNDS for this way of thinking. None. There are a million reasons - okay maybe not a million but several - why my chapter isn't getting any action. Maybe I'm posting at a bad time and people aren't seeing it. Maybe they just aren't drawn to that time period or genre. Maybe they are already following so many stories they don't have time to add another to their plate. Or maybe they read it, didn't like it, and closed the document without doing a critique. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Perceived Rejection happens in all areas of life - not just writing. I constantly find myself living life under the umbrella of perceived rejection. Maybe they don't look interested in what I'm saying because they think I'm boring. (Reality - they're teenagers and they stayed up half the night so they are half asleep.) Maybe they canceled the dinner party because they really don't want to hang out with me. (Reality - He really does have to work all day the next day.) I am tired of beating myself up over a maybe. If maybe is going to be a part of my life, I want it to actually do something for me.

Maybe they read my chapter, thought it was wonderful and they couldn't improve on it, so they didn't critique it. Maybe today will be the day that agent writes me back requesting a full proposal. Maybe today will be the day someone posts a comment on my fledgling little blog. ;)

Is it easy to kick that perceived rejection out of your life? Not at all. But maybe today will be the day you accomplish it.

GO!

I sent out my first query this week. In actuality I sent out more than one, but that first one felt momentous. I reached the top of a high mountain and surveyed the valley on the other side. The valley that for most aspiring authors is littered with rejections, edits, and endless wondering. On the other side of that valley is another difficult mountain, the top of which is reached when they actually hold their book in their hand and send that first autographed copy off to the friend that told them they could actually do it. (One day you'll get that copy, Amanda!)

What do I feel like I have accomplished? Aside from actually completing a novel, of course, I have slogged through an ENORMOUS amount of research about agents, query letters, etiquette, formatting, publishers, blogs, and anything else I could think of that would help me in the publishing process. I felt like I made some significant breakthrough when I finally said, "Enough!" and hit send on my first query. Did I research enough? Polish enough? We'll find out. I did learn a lot that will make my future writing better, though.

Whether it's writing or anything else in life, at some point you just have to say, "Go!" You can research, plot, and plan forever but if you never actually move forward, you'll never actually get anywhere.